Suggestion #3: Love You a Knife

Probably your most reliable friend during any type of Apocalypse.

Advantages:

1. Its guts emm like a fish
2. Never runs out of ammo
3. Not much aiming required
4. Not as heavy as a sword but just as cutty

Cuts you a path, a shelter, your dinner, toothpick, your foes, your clothes form foes (it puts the lotion on its skin), shaves your legs your head your face – absolutely invaluable Apocalypse-must-have.

These are some of the most beautiful knifes I have ever seen:

 Jay Fisher – World Class Knifemaker…

How-to: Start Fire with Ice

In the event of an Ice Age Apocalypse

This is cool…

Source: tim3jones

Suggestion #2: Group Fatty

This has at least two benefits...

A: in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse (< please lord Xenu let it be this one)

It is a fantastic idea to keep a Group Fatty! If ever the group is surprise attacked by a horde of superfast Zombies, sacrifice your Group Fatty by putting him at the back of the group (Whilst you are running away like f#ck, he should already be in this position). This should provide the group with sufficient time to run to safety – the amount of time depending on the size of your Fatty and how quickly the Zombies can chew.

B: in the event of an Apocalypse where morality suddenly becomes a greyish black area

The Group Fatty will at some point provide the group with much needed nutrition – we hear it smells like bacon tastes like chicken.

Suggestion #1: Rednecks – git you wun!

Rednecks are arguably the most likely to survive the Apocalypse therefore it is highly advised you find one now ahead of time – not because they are in scarce supply but rather because some of them are scarier than others and you want to make sure you git a goodin.

Note: This is not an advisable suggestion if you are black or Asian or any of the other colours other than white; hmmmmm probably not advisable if you are Jewish either.